I started to work out more. I ate better. The weight of guilt, anger, sadness and fat that I had been carrying just fell off. I felt peace, empathy, methodical. I still had ugly bad self-talk flare ups and that is what I am trying to decrease in my life.
I have had some personal experiences over the past few months that have really changed my perspective and I experience more joy. This joy, even on the tired days gives me motivation to take better care of myself. I owe some of that to just going out with children last fall and running with them on a cross-country team. The act of running and the anxiety that came with whether or not I would finish, but would finish anyway lit something up. I can’t really put my finger on it.
Part of it is that running that long that quickly made me feel physically awful and I abandoned the habit of drinking alcohol every night. I also stayed in the present. I felt the pain in my legs and hips, my lungs and heart pumping just to breathe and I had a bunch of little kids running with me…
I looked up reflecting on what I just read. The phone rang and it was poor Lois from Democrat Whatever asking me about whether I am committed to voting all blue in November’s election. I replied, “As far as I know.” She very insistently asked me to be more specific and I told her that I didn’t want to. She gotta little huffy and rephrased her question slower. I replied a firm “NO.” You see, Lois is a stranger and I don’t have to discuss politics with her.
There is this old country song, “Rose Colored Glasses,” lyrics…They show all the beauty, but they hide all the truth…” It’s about this man who continues to allow someone to treat him badly. But, it’s the lyrics and the idea that “rose colored” is a myth against reality. But is it? I think that we could take off the black and white glasses in more situations. You know, decrease judgment and stigmas. Shades of pink. Wouldn’t that make for some better days?
I have a sister site that helped me grow this site. As much as I wanted to stick with the other site, I felt that it was exclusively for women due to the title that wasn’t even spelled right so I thought that would be problematic for SEO.
I learned something as I wrote on that site and as I build my business as a health coach and it was that I felt so much relief and freedom after I wrote something or sat down to do a creative process that was truly for the benefit of me. That small seed of creativity benefited my family as well because I was much cheerier.
I stopped. I stopped telling myself that I was too busy to write. I stopped saying it was a waste of time because my creative process is not a waste of time. I was surprised that I grew a reader audience and it was an audience that I wanted to reach. People like me, who felt deep pain and sorrow and sometimes don’t know what to do about it.
This pain comes from grief, bad self talk, dissatisfaction, rejection…etc. I work hard to not feel that way and this is one of my outlets.
I found that I kept insanely busy to avoid confronting myself and my pain. Now I want this site to help with that and call me on my own shit—and possibly yours, but in an honest and gentle way. Good luck to me.
In the meantime, Petticoat is still running through April, but I will post new content here and export oldies, but goodies from that site to The Un-busy Life.
Categories will stay the same and the Un-busy Life was one of the categories and lucky me to find the domain available. Anyway, I hope to grow more readership because I feel better although I do struggle sometimes (even today).
Here’s to being creative and productive no matter what state you are in.